Hospitality
By Joy Adams
The story of Mary and Martha in the Bible challenges me. Martha is busy hosting Jesus and all his disciples in her home and is frustrated that her sister Mary is not helping. Instead Mary is sitting at Jesus’ feet. When Martha complains to Jesus, hoping that Jesus will send Mary to go help, here is Jesus’ reply:
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed – or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
Luke 10:41-42 (NIV)
When my husband and I purchased our first home, we had a small gathering of church friends in our new home. I was being a busy little bee moving from place to place, making sure everything was just right, making sure everyone had what they needed, making sure nothing was left forgotten. Then, a friend of our family, Greg, came up to me and softly said, “Joy, you need to sit down and join us, you are making your guests feel nervous with all your busyness.” Wow, what an eye opener. In my attempt to make everything perfect for my guests, I was actually making them feel uncomfortable. Wow, thank you Jesus for honest friends who are not afraid to speak hard truths in love. Greg’s words brought immediate perspective and suddenly all the things that were keeping me hopping about, no longer seemed important. I washed my hands of what I was doing and truly joined in the fellowship of the evening.
I wonder what Martha did after Jesus told her that Mary had chosen the better thing. Did she wash her hands of what she was doing and join Mary at Jesus’s feet? Did she return to the kitchen and continue to carry the burden of her guests like a cross, a cross Jesus did not ask her to carry? I think unfinished stories like this one in the Bible can actually be quite beautiful. They allow us, to decide how that story ends. Because let’s face it. We all have a bit of Mary and Martha in us.
I would love to say that I have never been a busy bee hostess, ever since Greg imparted his words of truth to me, but that would be a lie. I am a work in progress. I over plan. I leave too much for the last minute. I don’t leave time for the unexpected. But, I am learning and I am growing.
For the past year, we have hosted a family fellowship group in our home most Fridays. As part of our fellowship time, we always share a meal together and for many of the nights, I have chosen to make a bulk of the meal as a service of love to the other families. There have been nights where suddenly at the last minute, a few extra people RSVP and suddenly I realize I am short on food. Oh, no – it is too late to defrost and marinate more chicken! So what do I do? I reach for my freezer and pull out my box of frozen corn dogs from Costco. Would you know, that every time, those corn dogs are the biggest hit of the night? As I said, I am learning and I am growing. I have learned that the conversation is just as lively, the group prayer time just as intimate, and the overall fun had by all is just as great whether I serve grilled salmon with wild rice and mixed greens or whether I serve corn dogs, mac and cheese, and carrot sticks. My role as a hostess is not to outdo myself every time. It is to welcome people with love, serve from a place of overflow, and to be my authentic self so that others feel free to just be.
I am not there yet, but I am getting there. Romans 12:13 (NIV) says:
“Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.”
In my case practice does not make perfect, but my practice does fill our home with joy, laughter, and sweet special moments with friends. Not everyone has a desire to host others in their home. If you do, realize that this desire is a gift from God to be used to encourage, strengthen, and bring joy to your community. The world needs people who are willing to invite people into their homes, into their imperfections, and like Mary (and ultimately, I hope Martha too) choose authenticity and intimacy over perfection.
Happy Hosting.
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Great article Joy. You’ve always been a world class hostess. I think you’ve found a good balance between Martha and Mary. We dearly miss family fellowship.
I am a lot like you in this regard Choi I am a host I like to make sure my guests have everything they need plus it was ground in me by my dad to always ask if they’re hungry or thirsty and provide everything that needs to be provided. So I always make sure my my guests are taken care of but I do try to relax once I let them know just make yourself at home if you get thirsty there’s drinks in the fridge if you’re hungry there are snacks over here and then I can carry on with conversation and just try to relax and enjoy company but I totally understand that feeling and I did think about the Mary and Martha situation because I remember hearing that story in the past and I thought wow I thought that Jesus would want her to go help in the kitchen as well but it’s just as important to have communion with friends and family if not more I love you
I love you too. Thanks for commenting.
A fantastic parallel of to do right and wrong with biblical principles. You have found that happy balance, creating true hospitality. I am enjoying your writings so much. To me my teapots always represented hospitality to me. In days gone by, people always gathered around pots of tea ☕.