Being Present

By Joy Adams

I have a hunger and a yearning right now for the ability to be present.  Most of my day is spent with a divided mind.  While I am doing dishes, my mind is focused on how I need to hurry because my four year old son is waiting patiently for me to play with him.  While playing with my son, I am consumed with reminders in my head –

Don’t forget to move the laundry.

Don’t forget to get the chicken out of the freezer for dinner.

While making dinner I am constantly glancing at the clock –

Do I have time to give the boys a bath before dinner?

Lately it is extremely rare that I am fully present in the moment, not thinking of other things, not making to-do lists in my head, just present with my own thoughts and emotions as related to the specific moment I am in. Lately this has been my norm, but, I am not okay with this.   

While at times, I may be an expert multitasker, the reality is, this is not where I want my home base to be.  I want my home base to be a place of peace and clarity, where I can totally, 100%, be present in whatever it is that I am doing. Whether I am playing with my boys or at the table for family dinner, I want to be present, but unfortunately, in my current season, this is something I rarely achieve. 

Tonight was one of those special times.  My husband was working late and I had just finished my errands for the day.  I realized that I could sit in rush hour traffic for the next forty-five minutes or I could pull off somewhere, take the boys out to dinner and while we ate, the rush hour traffic could run its course without us. 

Our dinner was wonderful.  Yes, the food was good and so was the service, but that was not what made it wonderful.  It was wonderful because for a full forty-five minutes to an hour, I did not check the time, I did not feel the need to, nor did it even cross my mind to communicate, email, call, text, anyone other than my boys. I was present for every twinkle in their eyes as they told me stories, I was present to hear and laugh with them at their jokes, I was present to be fully impressed by their thoughts and opinions on life.  I was present and they knew it. 

I think that sometimes, us master multitaskers think that others don’t notice when they become just another plate that we are juggling.  We think that the very fact that we made time for someone that we are succeeding at relationships, however when that time is divided between texts, switching loads of laundry, checking the time and countless other interruptions it generally becomes clear to everyone around us that they do not warrant our full attention.  It is us multitaskers who are usually the last to realize that what we have been offering our loved ones and to God, Himself, is merely a fraction of our focus, time, emotions, and energy. 

I am gifted administratively and being able to multitask pairs greatly with this gifting, but just because I am good at multitasking does not mean that I should do it all the time.  I need time to allow life to slow down.  I need time to be able to focus on just one thing, one person, one moment.  I need to allow myself the luxury of getting lost in a single moment. 

I want to be a reformed multitasker.  One that can turn it on to get stuff done quickly and efficiently and then just as easily turn it off to be fully present and undivided when it comes to my time with God, my family, close friends, and even myself.  I want to reteach myself how to be present by doing the things that cultivate an undivided place in my mind and heart.  Things like painting, playing the piano, and writing.  When doing these activities, I am in the moment, other things fade away and I am present.  I need to do these types of activities more often.  When I am present, I am a better wife, mom, friend, and daughter of the Most High.  When I am present, I am a better me.  A me that I like.  A me that I actually want to spend time with. 

“Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!

Psalms 46:10 NKJV

“Be still and know…” In a place and position of stillness I can know that God will be exalted among the nations and in the earth.  From a place of stillness there is a knowing and a confidence that comes.  There is intimacy in stillness.  There is wisdom in stillness.  Within Stillness there is a revelation unknown to those in constant motion.  I want this stillness, with God, with my husband, with my children, I want this intimate knowledge and true revelation that God remains on his throne with or without me being an expert juggler of the cares of this life.  I want this stillness, I need this stillness, and I am willing to disrupt my identity as a multitasker to get it.  I am willing to debunk the lie that “I thrive in chaos” in exchange for the peace of being present within my own self and my relationships.  I am ready to be present.

*****

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Photo by James Garcia on Unsplash